btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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