all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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