I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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