My liver just broke up with me...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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