so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
