dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
