I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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