Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
