there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize