My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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