When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
