Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
