i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
