I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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