Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
