i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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