He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
