Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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