I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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