I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
