wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
