Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
