My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
