You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
