he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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