I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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