I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
