***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
