omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
