Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
