I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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