I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
