Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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