whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I look better un-naked...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
