I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
