he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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