One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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