I met the friendliest cop last night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
