My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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