i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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