I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
