I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
