Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
