I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
