I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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