I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
