This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
