he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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