Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When are your genitals available?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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