I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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